When I was out on various field ventures, one thing was rather palpable and was crying out loud- how my fellow males owned every public space? The roadside tea shop served tea to a bunch of workers who invariably were male and it is only this counterpart that would stay back with their other male colleague and have a chat of their own. The gathering under a peepal tree in a village had elder male members only. The hotel spaces, the government offices, banks are mostly filled with men in our families who embark upon journeys to fulfil their destiny. The extensive sport grounds of cities hosted mostly young male crowd playing cricket or football. And my recent experience of my office reflects of visitors mostly being male, of being the only women officer most of the times in a room filled with male counterparts. How does one address gender equality then?
We have always lived In a world where visibility mattered. As human being we are social, believing in great civilisations, documenting with whatever meagre resources we had in past. But women have conspicuously been kept away from such histories (with few exceptions). Making them rather invisible. Today, however social media is scanning and continuously so, our every behaviour. Technology has subjected our lifestyle to intense surveillance. This surveillance has deep rooted perception attached to it and is rather crude because by and large it is a reflection of our social thinking. We live in a world of stereotypes and patriarchal gaze. A mentality that adheres and reduces women to be Seeta’s giving agni pariksha. It browses through women’s personal and professional life through a lens and makes us feel as a second gender. And isn’t this visibility equated to success? The answer so far has unfortunately been positive.
We, women are constantly forced to look at ourselves and re prove our dignity and worth. The pressure to perform consistently well, while the world watches us, and definitely not from a distant, is a heavy burden to carry on. Will she be able to manage crowd? Can she step out at night for the inspection? Why is she being so bossy? She won’t be able to handle tough posting, it is not meant for her. She has character flaw. How will she be able to manage both work and family? Maternity leave?? Ufff….women employees are a liability!
When it comes to sharing space in a formal set up, wherein social gatherings are a norm. There are many rules attached to it and specifically so for women. Great deals could work out on a couple of drinking sessions, right? But when the formal/informal parties do happen we are reduced to share a silent corner with female spouses, segregating groups strictly on the basis of gender. Loud laughter engulf us throughout, when we watch camaraderie slip through our hands simply because we are reduced to a specific identity. What further? Of course, eyebrows are raised for being too forthcoming, too outgoing, too open, too loud, as if the male colleagues have a birthright over all things that celebrate life? In one such gathering, during a karaoke session when all my male friends, colleagues and bosses hummed to friendship tunes, hugging each other when they sang ‘ye dosti songs’, we kept hunting for female versions that celebrated friendship in similar manner. As if no such thing exists between women. At least we are made to believe that women are more into gossip and pitying one against the other.
The idea is to share and pen down experiences of those uncomfortable glitches which are not appreciated. I agree that perhaps on many levels patriarchy has lost it’s battle but it has surely shifted gears and subtly taken a different form in modern society. One may argue of being equal and yet subconsciously practice the crux of misogyny. What then lies ahead for us is to recognise liberally those behaviour that in any manner are construed as patriarchal, accept openly our own faults whether done knowingly or unknowingly, practice religiously the principle of equality we so hold dear and most importantly respond loudly by not being a mute spectator, by not letting our practical nature hamper the idea of an equal world. Because with practice comes acceptance.
But is not acceptance we crave for.
There is more to women’s existence then just procreation, marriage and being so called ideal Sansakari Naari. It is about giving them what’s due. It is about having the assurance to step out and nurture our lives constructively. It is also about giving reasonable opportunities that still lack, quite visibly so.
The takeover of Taliban made me think of the situation of women back in India. We certainly are not forced to cover ourselves from head to toe but our minds still operate in a foggy manner. Our evaluation and developmental parameters thereby could never be based upon a war-ravaged country. Gender inequality is a reality and we need to address it steadfastly. Personal is indeed political!
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