All that glitters..but is it really gold?!

I have immense respect for all those courageous  women who have come out against male chauvinism and taken a stand against sexual harassment. Also for the fact that it takes more than just courage to speak up. To let those around them and everyone else harbouring such opinions know that there’s no such thing called eternal impunity. Also for reasons that somehow it might deter future tendencies. 

My recent accomplishment (if I may call it so) in UPSC hold less regards for the sick attitude I seem to be witnessing myself. I have also come to realise that such accomplishments and proving yourself worthy hold no good even for my peers who see me as just another woman commodity with whom they can get friendly the way they want and act in a manner less worthy of the post they represent. That it doesn’t matter what position you hold in a patriarchal society as long as you are woman you’ll be treated like a woman. For me, it time and again,  reestablishes notions of patriarchy. How?  Let me elaborate few of the many instances of that my female colleagues and I face quite often.

For outsiders, civil services is a world of intellectuals, of glamour of its own and of people who seem to have an informed take on issues around them. The fraternity represents power and influence and commands respect for the nature of its work. Being a part of such social grouping is a matter of pride. But to simply take pride will make me another hypocrite basking in the glory of this respected institution and therefore it is for this reason I have decided to speak up for what I have witnessed in this journey of civils. 

In one instance one of my male colleagues whom I was meeting for the very first time through common friends, thought it was okay to comment on my stature and repeatedly refer to me as someone fragile. Also to make jokes about my personality even after repetitive requests. For him I was just another  girl who happened to take his nonsensical and derogatory jokes as something serious and he left by advising, "to take life in lighter vein". How? I still wonder. The fact that I was uncomfortable and may not have liked such behaviour holds no regard.

In another instance while working for one of the renowned institute for civils preparation in Delhi, I experienced something called staring in a professional environment where all those working around me were or had been part of the process. When I tried taking a stand I was dubbed as a less emotional intelligent person who later became a part of gossip. The irony was even for the ladies who supported me initially (for they themselves having gone through similar instances of staring) thought I was a bit impolite and rude to put across my viewpoint to my fellow male colleagues and it was okay in their opinion for guys to check out girls. The institute decided to silence me by saying such instances are only built up of mind and perhaps its best to make sure that if the person was actually staring. (I wanted to ask them how! Perhaps by staring back maybe). What I failed to understand was how feeling uncomfortable to such instances does not matter, for a fact even when the alleged person apologised and tacitly accepted what he did. 

My another instance refers to the most rampant practice amongst my male colleagues. Since competitive exams are more about guidance than just sustained efforts. We always look forward to our seniors for their wise words of advice. And may exchange numbers in the process. But you see such exchanging may mean a different thing for few. They might as well assume such thing as a window of opportunity for regular text and creepy forwards. Or saying good morning everyday or commenting at your display picture on whatsapp late at night. Another extreme version is of insisting on meeting for frivolous reasons. And in case you happen to not pick their call, they might just haunt you everyday. My female friends seem to ignore them or block them at best. But how does it matter since they turn their attention to next one on the go. There are plenty you see in need of guidance! And dare you confront them, because hey I did no such thing and you might be  the only person saying this to me. 

While elaborating this instances one of my another male friend suggested me to not generalise and point fingers at each one of them. I was taken aback also for the fact that these are the cream of the nation who study subjects like sociology, ethics, gender budgeting and are encouraged to see world from an egalitarian neutral perspective (especially gender). If my fellow colleagues really do feel outraged at my remarks, how come they decide to be silent when such instances do happen around them? How come they decide to be mute bystanders to such stereotypical thinking? How come they discard such instances as uncommon and label women as taking extreme stands? They might be trivial but at the end of the day they still make me and those like me uncomfortable! (Trust me, most of my female colleagues will agree on this) I think this might be enough reason to introspect and to keep things formal unless the other party decides to make it otherwise. And let the respect and dignity civil service commands not faulter further.